overeducated and underemployed

in honor of bernie mac

spotted

You may recognize one of these people as my brother. You may recognize another as, umm, Dave Grohl. Seriously.

umm, yes!!!1

not that I condone this, but...

If you have any sense, you might just enjoy the following:

Step Up 2 The Streets. In 10 delicious parts.

posts not approved for soapnet

... Now can be found here, in all their ridiculosity! In the grand tradition of this and this (PageSix rejectees, both).

Hed: Nate Dogg Arrested for Stalking
Dek: If he had wings, he would fly ... let him contemplate.

All right SOAPnet OandU readers. This one's a bit of a doozy, but if you enjoy the smooth R&B sounds of Nathaniel Dwayne "Nate Dogg" Hale as much as we do, we think it'll be worth it.

The Associated Press reports that the crooner was charged on Monday with felony stalking, after his wife claimed he threatened and followed her on a freeway south of Los Angeles.

We know. Heavy stuff, right?

No word on how Dogg's attorney Mark Geragos plans to defend his client -- but we think a blueprint is pretty clearly laid out in Nate's 1994 song "Regulate." If we may:

First, this is clearly a misunderstanding. What's south of Los Angeles? Long Beach. And what could Nate be doing there? Hitting the East Side, on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.

Next, it's quite possible the prosecution will then distract the jury with stories of Mr. Dogg picking up a car-full of "skirts" and heading to the Eastside Motel. But there's no need to tweak. Adultery, while immoral, is not a crime. Besides -- one could then swoop in with the reminder that had our client not "regulated" in an earlier situation, the aforementioned Warren G would have had both his wealth and life taken (in his hometown, no less). As to the assorted bodies he may or may not have turned cold in that fracas -- well, nothing's been proven.

Finally, and we hate to have to resort to this, but there's always the intimidation factor. If the jury knows like WE know ... they don't want to step to this. It's the G-funk Era, funked out with a gangsta twist, after all.

We rest our case. And yes, we are insane.

What's your favorite '90s jam?

doing anything monday night?

Can I interest you in supporting great TV that just so happens to help pay the rent?

unfair

Christian Bale AND a yellow lab?

You're shameless, Parade.

turns out...

So I'm at the Hollywood Bowl last night, enjoying a nostalgia double-header of Elvis Costello (woo!) and The Police (eh). All is well -- even the irrepressible dancing glowstick guy two rows in front of me is manageable -- until the latter band launches into a slow jam I'm unfamiliar with, accompanied by images of destitute but happy children around the world. And it's at this moment, when I am stifling giggles, that I realize what a cynical asshole I am. Seriously. It might have even made me sad, if I had been able to think about anything other than the band meeting when this decision was made. Like --

"Hey, guys. This song is great, I really like it, and I'm totally not trying to start any of the famous feuds that made us split up in the first place. But don't you think this song would be really great if we showed images of destitute but happy children around the world while we played it? I mean -- like totally deep, and great?"

Followed by a chorus of --

"Yeah, omg, completely. I hadn't thought of that before. No one has. Brill, mate. Kids are so touching. Genius."

Thankfully, they then started playing  "De Doo Doo Doo" and I snapped out of it.

...And that's all I have to say to you.

in defense of...

1. ...using the elevator to get to my second floor cubicle.

While one can get into the stairwell on the bottom floor, one cannot get out on any subsequent level. Taking the stairs = trapped in them.

2. ...exclusively buying ice cream, Hot Pockets (that's on the Solomonster) and Haribo peach gummies at the grocery store last night.

It was a name brand Trader Joe's supplement trip!

So! Hopefully my fellow Disney cable net employees who use the 2-11 elevator bank and the super judgey guy in a fisherman's hat buying two big boys of High Life at the Ralph's read this blog. Because after this, I think coworkers and drunk fisherman will be much more impressed with me than previously. And that is of the utmost importance to me.

it's nice to know...

..That in a 21-floor office building, I work on one of the six floors that has a defibrillator. Because I'm a hypochondriac and the elevators here are slow, y'all.

Also -- there's now a 5% greater chance that I'll have a legitimate reason to yell "Clear!" on any given day (no actual math done in the calculation of that figure).

nate james breakout year

Hooray! Or , in the eloquent words of one of Duke's two fight songs, "rah rah rah rah rah ra-rah ra-rah"! Nathaniel J. Ames (not an accurate spelling) has replaced assistant coach Johnny Dawkins on the Blue Devil bench.

During my time in beautiful Durham, North Carolina, Nate James was my favorite Duke basketball player. I was always promising my friends that each ensuing year we were there would be, without a doubt, the Nate James breakout year we had all hoped for. Some post-season heroics in 2001 finally made me an honest woman, and now 7 years later (7 years, sweet Jesus!) Mr. "J.Ames" is breaking out further to thoroughly shmawesome affect.

And so, this seems as good a time as any to share my most embarassing Nate James moment(s).

It goes like this: My senior year roommate's brother was on the basketball team. She, therefore, knew the basketball team. And whenever she saw someone on the basketball team, she would make introductions.

SUPER sweet, right?

Yes.

...Except when you have been introduced to one member of the team (umm...Nate James) as "his biggest fan" on multiple occasions. Then, it just starts getting creepy.

I guess the point of this story is: thanks a lot, Ann.

the photographic evidence

Saint Mineato came to this point in Florence after being beheaded in the presence of the Emperor, picking up his newly-unattached noggin, crossing the Arno river and walking up a (trust me) incredibly long and steep hill.

We, on the other hand, arrived after a leisurely train ride from Rome and a stroll past the Duomo.

Meanwhile, back in America, I have a new job (for now...I don't like to get to comfortable, given my checkered past). It's here. And yes, you are correct. I have at last made One Tree Hill watching my bizniss.

where in the world is megan?

...Italy! (well, like in 15 hours or so).

While I am gone, would someone please track down Rockapella on whatever coffee commerical set they're hanging out on these days and enlist them to sing the title of this post accurately? You have 8 days....go!

negative space cheney

I think this picture implies the Veep has a void, an emptiness inside, that requires filling.

Or, that no one wants to sit near him.

helms bakery horror

Witnessed, at Beacon: A woman who, at the end of her meal, dug measuring tape out of her purse, checked her waist and then complained to her waiter that he had served her food so delicious that she had gained an inch.

It was an act so insane that it almost erased from my memory the earlier overheard conversation at the table next to me, wherein another woman told her date she loved acting because it "brought her closer to the human experience."

it's a miracle!

Britney Spears was just on How I Met Your Mother, and I didn't have to care.

I think that's this cloud's most silvery lining yet.

(But, since I'm here and talking about it: she wasn't bad. Kinda cute and sweet. Mainly, she didn't scream "stunt casting to ensure our season three pickup!" quite as loudly as I had feared she might)

my weekend

So it started with this.

And has followed up with this (predictable, but still heartbreaking).

I ask of you: what will Easter Sunday bring?

one would think

...That five years of unnecessary and costly war would wear on a man. To that, I'd simply say: You don't know Cheney.

wearing the colors proudly

SO... Duke has limped to the end of the season, got an undeserved 2 seed, and is at great risk to not make it out of the tourney's first weekend. I'm totally not bummed about it though, and it's all due to this bizarro shit that ESPN did with the ACC tournament package. Please, enjoy, and hope along with me that no one got fired for this:

my husband, on why crispin glover wasn't in back to the future II*

"He was busy breeding ravens."

Thankfully, the brilliant work of look-alike Jeffrey Weissman and the cunning use of already-shot footage allowed Crispin to pursue such ventures.

*We were watching Back to the Future II at his insistence. And, as it must always be said when Back to the Future II is referenced, "The Doc's aliiiive!!! He's in the Old West....but he's ALIIIVE!!!"